“There are times when alone is the best place to be.” ~ Unknown
Many still believe it’s not okay to spend time alone, thinking it means a person is antisocial or no one needs them. Others feel sad and lonely when they can’t find a company on Friday evenings or weekends.
But being alone doesn’t mean that no one needs you. Spending some time with no one around you can be a beneficial practice.
I’m in mid-life now. That is the age when most of us start to rethink our whole life, trying to understand what to change or improve, what to do next, and what does matter.
I’ve been feeling that for more than a year already. (In my defense, let me specify that I have a “tiny” aggravating factor: russians trying to destroy my country and killing my compatriots.)
I thought I got nothing at my age, and I feel I should have changed something, but I couldn’t figure out what or how. I had to cope with my feelings, but the everyday chaos didn’t allow me time to focus on myself.
The decision came like a bolt from the blue — to spend time alone so that nothing prevents me from listening to my inner voice, heart, and mind. I started practicing short-term solo travels to other cities (thank you, Armed Forces of Ukraine, for working railways!) and long walks in parks or city streets.
Here are the benefits of spending time in solitude.
1) It’s an opportunity to recharge
We often try to make people around us happy and help them work through their feelings. It’s great, but it can also be emotionally draining.
For example, I have a friend who lives abroad and comes online to chat only when she feels sad or wants to share all her problems with me. It takes a lot of energy and makes me exhausted and frustrated. (Especially now, when I sit in a shelter during russian missile attacks, and she writes how tired she is because of her “stupid co-workers” who are guilty of her missed gym session.)
Time spent alone helps me take a break from constant interaction with other people, and I can recharge.
2) It’s time to think and reflect
Life moves at a crazy speed. It doesn’t often give us time to stop and reflect. When alone, you have an opportunity to focus on yourself.
Thanks to my voluntary solitude, I had a chance to question whether I was moving in the right direction. I’ve realized what I should change in life after our victory, and I’ve finally found time to meditate.
3) It makes you more self-reliant
We often seek approval from friends, colleagues, and family members before we do or decide on something. Sometimes it’s necessary, but there are also times when you can act without consulting others first.
When alone, you learn to make decisions without anyone’s help. (It was challenging at first, but now I see I’ve become more self-reliant.)
4) It’s a chance to understand what does make you happy
When you are with other people, you often have to make compromises. There’s always a chance that your desires may not coincide with others. When alone, it’s only you who decides what to do.
Do you want to spend the whole day lying on the beach? Go! Do you want to visit that contemporary art exhibition? There’s no reason to skip it just because none of your friends has time, money, or desire to go with you.
The same is about traveling or visiting a cinema. (It still surprises me how many young people find it awkward or wrong to go to a cinema alone. If you want — just go and watch that movie!)
5) It makes you more productive.
It is fun and exciting to spend time with friends, but it can also distract you from things essential to you, like exercises, hobbies, a long-delayed book, and unfinished work.
Spending time alone is an opportunity to make progress toward your personal goals.
And one more:
Spending time alone teaches us to value our close people even more. When you take time for yourself, it becomes even more enjoyable to engage with others as you’ve given yourself time and space to miss their company.
Don’t be afraid of being alone. It helps us understand who we are, what we want, and what we can do to become better people.
