Forgive me, Ukraine!
Forgive for 2014 when, after Crimea, Luhansk, and Donetsk, I continued to communicate with a Russian friend because “not everyone was so bad there” and “ordinary people aren’t guilty in what happened.” We decided to avoid the Crimea topic in our talks to prevent conflicts and quarrels — and it was my huge mistake.
Ukraine, do you remember how he visited your heart (Kyiv), soul (Lviv), and courage (Kharkiv) back in 2013? He admired your landscapes and hospitality, tasted your cuisine, and got surprised with “such a good life” around! I was so happy and proud to show your beauty to him that somehow “didn’t hear” all his narratives about how funny and silly the Ukrainian language sounded, how he supported the Russian president (his external policy, in particular), and so on. My choice then was to keep silent — and it was my huge mistake.
Today in 2022, I read many posts from Ukrainian people with the same thoughts and confessions about how wrong it was to keep silent all these years. It was wrong to continue communication with Russians because “not everyone is the same” and “many have relatives there.” It was wrong to continue doing business with Russian clients, buying their goods, allowing them to do business here, and much more. It’s our giant, monstrous mistake.
Forgive me, Ukraine!
Forgive me for continuing to justify my Russian friend and keeping silent about politics while you were bleeding to death in the east. I saw your wounds with my own eyes! It hurt inside, but I had no strength and spirit to shout about it to the world. Why? Was it the fear of condemnation? Unwillingness to lose contact with relatives on the “other” side? Was it about ignoring the problem when it didn’t affect you directly and thinking someone would solve it one day somehow?
Or was it that stupid, “What can I do?”
Forgive that I needed a missile to my head to forget about the concept of “good Russians.” Forgive that I continued to cling to those relationships, even when they, in fact, ended with your Crimea’s invasion. I’m so sorry that I’m still angry at him and waiting for him to apologize, repent, fester, whatever instead of just forgetting him.
I’m sorry I couldn’t save you, my dear motherland. I promise I won’t go anywhere, won’t doubt, tolerate enemies, keep silent… I know you are strong! Please, wait a little more: now I’ll do everything I can so that you do not suffer anymore.
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